Little Goldihock is a yandao who lived in a tropical country called Singapore.
One afternoon, he was playing
DotA on his computer, and you would have thought he is as
hua he as an
ong, and quite contented to stay where he was instead of
kao peh-ing about. But it happened that he is
kan pek chek and
du lan with the game as it is very lag, so he
mai shng liao. He got up and decided to go
MacRitchie Reservoir Park to
kia kia. It was such a windy and pleasant day that he wandered on and on and on and on until he came to a section of the park where he had never been before.
In this section of the park, there lived a family of three
Pears - the
GREAT BIG PAPA PEAR, MEDIUM SIZED MAMA PEAR and
TEENY TINY BABY PEAR. They lived together in a luxurious bungalow and were very happy.
Goldihock stopped when he came to the front gate of the Pears' bungalow and began to wonder who lived there.
"I'll just take a quick look around," said Goldihock and so he did; but there was nobody at home, for the Pears had all gone shopping at Orchard Road, whilst the Teo Chew muay they were going to have for dinner cooled upon the table.
The tempting fragrance of the muay made Goldihock bah tor yao. He began to wish the people of the house would return home and invite him to have some. Although he looked everywhere, under the table and into the cupboards, he could find no one.
"HO SEI LIAO LAH!!! BO LANG DI CHU!!!" Exclaimed hungry Goldihock.
"LIM PEH AI JIA MUAY LIAO LOR!!!" Continued Goldihock. Finally, he buay tahan liao and made up his mind to take a little sip to see how the porridge tasted.
The porridge had been put into three bowls - a GREAT BIG BOWL for the GREAT BIG PAPA PEAR, a MEDIUM BOWL for the MEDIUM SIZED MAMA PEAR and a TEENY TINY BOWL for the TEENY TINY BABY PEAR. Beside each bowl lay a spoon, and Goldihock took one and helped himself to a spoonful of porridge from the GREAT BIG BOWL.
"CHAO CHEE B*I!!! Ar Ni Sio Ang Zhua Jia?!?" Yelled Goldihock. The porridge was so hot with chilli padi and pepper and wasabi that he did not like it at all. However, his ba tor was still yao, so he thought he would try again.
"PUAY~!!!" This time he took a sip of the MAMA PEAR'S porridge, but he spitted out as he liked that no better for it was too leng and kiam.
"Why their muay so ka na sai one?!?" Goldihock thought.
"Neh ber mind, I pang chance, I shall try the last bowl," Goldihock tasted the BABY PEAR'S porridge.
"WAH~!!! SHIOK ARH~!!! Just like the Teo Chew muay I've tried at geylang!!" He loved and ate the porridge, without thinking twice about it.
When he had finished his meal, he noticed three massage chairs standing by the wall. One was a GREAT BIG CHAIR, and he climbed upon that and sat down.
"Wah lao eh~!!! So hard how to sit?!? The owner of this chair must have a thick kar chng lah!!!" Goldihock could not sit there for long, so he climbed up on the next, which was a MEDIUM SIZED CHAIR, but that was too soft for his liking. So he went on to the last, which was a TEENY TINY CHAIR that suited him exactly. He turn on the massage chair and start his massage.
"SONG ARH~!!!" It was so comfortable that he sat on and on until he actually sat the bottom out.
"SIAN LAH~!!! Kan suay," sighed Goldihock. The chair was spoilt and he was comfortable no longer. He got up and began to wonder what he should do next.
There was a lift in the Pears' bungalow, and Goldihock thought he would go up it and see where it led to. So up he went, and when he reached the top, he chio kao peng, for the Pears' bedroom was the funniest he had ever seen. In the middle of the room stood a GREAT BIG BED. On one side of it, there was a MEDIUM SIZED BED, and on the other, there was a TEENY TINY BED.
Goldihock was sleepy, so he thought he would lie down and have a little nap. First, he got upon the GREAT BIG BED.
"Cannot make it lah!!! So hard, ang zhua khoon," said Goldihock. The bed was just as hard as the GREAT BIG CHAIR, so he jumped off and tried the MEDIUM SIZED BED.
"Help!!! I'm sinking!!! Lifeguard help!!!" Cried Goldihock. The bed was so soft that he sank right down into the feather cushions and was nearly smothered.
"I'll try the TEENY TINY BED," he said and so he did.
"WAH SONG!!! Like sleeping on a cloud!!! I'm floating in the sky!!!" said Goldihock sleepily.
"zZz... zZz..." It was so comfortable that he soon fell asleep.
Whilst Goldihock lay there, dreaming of all sorts of exotic things, the three Pears return home from their shopping trip.
"I'M HUNGRY!!!" The three Pears roared together. They were very hungry and quite ready for their dinner.
"Ni nao hiah!!!" Exclaimed the GREAT BIG PAPA PEAR when he saw his spoon had been used and thrown under the table.
"KAN NI NA BU CHAO CHEE B*I!!! SIANG TAO JIA WA EH MUAY?!?" Roared PAPA PEAR in a GREAT BIG VOICE.
"What is this?!?" Questioned MEDIUM SIZED MAMA PEAR while looking at a sticky yellowish fluid on the table. Being curious, she smelt and tasted a little bit of it, but she did not know what it is. Still being clueless, she decided to eat the whole sticky yellowish fluid.
"FUCKING HELL!!! Siang eh chao nua?!?" Screamed MAMA PEAR in a high-pitch voice.
"But I like it!!!" She continued, regretting for swallowing the whole phlegm down instead of enjoying it bits by bits.
"The nua would tasted good with my muay," said MAMA PEAR while looking at her bowl.
"NIN NA BEI!!! Who ate my muay?!?" Screamed MAMA PEAR in a higher pitch voice.
"BOO HOO HOO~!!! BOO HOO HOO~!!!" Cried the poor TEENY TINNY BABY PEAR.
"KAO PEH LAH~!!! DIAM DIAM EH SAI BUAY?!?" PAPA and MAMA PEARS lectured the whining BABY PEAR.
"Wu... wu... wu lang ga... ga... ga wa eh muay jia... jia... jia ga liao!!!" BABY PEAR struggled with his speech.
"SUAY LOR~!!! Your dai ji!!!" Replied PAPA and MAMA PEARS in a boh chup tone.
Being pek chek with BABY PEAR's outcries, both PAPA and MAMA PEARS decided to get some massage on their massage chair after a tiring day of shopping. Before sitting down on their chairs, the pears have the habit of smelling their seats.
"THAT'S NOT MY KAR CHNG SMELL!!! Who has been sitting on my chair?!?" Roared PAPA and MAMA PEARS.
"Siang ze pai wa eh massage chair?!? BOO HOO HOO~!!! BOO HOO HOO~!!!" BABY PEAR dropped into tears again.
However, this time the Pears were sure that someone had just been to their house, so they patrol around the house to check if that trespasser was still around. There was certainly nobody downstairs, so they went to take the lift.
"The lift stopped at level 2," said BABY PEAR while looking up at the level indicator.
"SIAO EH~!!! Wa hmm si pa jiao!!! I got eyes, I can see from the level indicator. Somemore our house only got 2 storeys, if that siao kia who trespasses our house is not downstairs, of course he's upstairs lah!!! Bodoh!!!" PAPA PEAR scolded BABY PEAR while pressing the lift button.
The lift doors opened and the Pears enter. The lift doors opened again. The Pears' bedroom was in view. When both PAPA and MAMA PEARS looked at their bed, they roared, except that MAMA PEAR's pitch is higher.
"Which siao gin nah has been lying on my bed!!!"
"WAH~!!! Got one yandao sleeping on my bed!!!" Exclaimed the happy BABY PEAR when he saw Goldihock.
When PAPA PEAR began to speak, Goldihock was still sleeping and dreaming about a striptease trying to strip her undies. When MAMA PEAR began to speak, he dreamt that the striptease wore back her undies; but when BABY PEAR began to speak, he dreamt that the striptease had completely stripped off her undies.
"AHHH~!!! BA BOH!!! NA BEI!!! STILL GOT LAM PA!!! Goldihock was frightened awake, but he did not noticed that there were three Pears standing beside him.
Goldihock, being half-awake, stretched his arms, rubbed his eyes and yawned.
"YAWNZ~!!!"
"KAOZ~!!! So smelly!!! You got bad-breath!!! I can't take it liao. HELP~!!!" The Pears cried together, with tears rolling down their eyes. Standing close to Goldihock when he yawned, the Pears dropped to their knees due to the unbearable bad-breath.
The odour spread quickly throughout the bedroom. On their knees, the Pears crawled towards the exit, struggling to escape.
So near, but yet so far. The exit is only a step away, but the Pears cannot escape in time. The fatal poison from the bad-breath has already reached the Pears' hearts and killed them.
Goldihock, still did not notice about the Pears, hopped out of bed, took the lift downstairs, left the bungalow and returned home, never stopping to wonder what he was doing in that bungalow initially. He finally reached home safely and continued his night sleeping. This time, he dreamt of a sexy FEMALE striptease.
THE END
GLOSSARY:
Bah tor: Stomach
Boh chup: Unconcerned
Chio kao peng: To laugh until one falls down
DotA: Defense of the Ancients
Du lan: Frustrated
Hua he: Happy
Kao peh-ing: Making a lot of noise.
Kia kia: Take a walk
Kan: Fucking
Kiam: Salty
Leng: Cold
Mai shng: Do not want to play
Muay: Porridge
Ong: King
Pek chek: Frustrated
Yandao: A handsome male
Yao: Hungry
